Happy Birthday, Dad!!

Today, I'm celebrating.  I'm celebrating my outlook on life.  I'm celebrating friendships.  I'm celebrating laughter.  I'm celebrating family.  Today, I'm celebrating my Dad's birthday.  He would have been 96 today.  And although he passed away in 1975, I do celebrate his birthday every year.  Because I strongly believe my love of life, my love of family, my friendships and how dear they are to me, have all been influenced by my Dad.  The way he lived his life serves as a beacon to guide me in the way I live mine.  So today, I celebrate...

I celebrate Dad's love of family. 

He worked as a shipping supervisor for a pharmaceutical company.  You can imagine the pay wasn't that great.  But he managed to proudly support his family of 7 kids with that job.  No handouts from the government.  He was the sole breadwinner for many years.  As I've been digging thru old documents and pictures, I see how he managed it.  I find budget envelopes.  I find bank books with weekly deposits.  Simply amazing to me!!!

I celebrate his love of country. 

Dad proudly served in the Navy during World War II.  Even though he was married with a child on the way, he did what every proud American did back then.  He joined to protect our nation and our rights.

I celebrate his love of life. 

See that twinkle in his eye?  I was lucky enough to experience that most mornings after I graduated high school.  Dad and I were early risers.  So many mornings, we sat at the kitchen table chatting over our first cup of the day.  And I would love to look into his eyes as he talked.  They would twinkle, the same way you would think of a leprechaun's twinkle.  It actually set the tone for the day.  And I honestly can't think of a time it wasn't like that.  He just loved life. 

I celebrate his love of laughter,

whether it was he who laughed, or he who made others laugh. 

When we were lucky enough to have Dad join us for dinner (usually it was only Sundays and holidays), he would always come up with at least one very corny joke.  Of course, I usually laughed my butt off, because I saw the sillier side of Dad.  And, again, watching his face I could tell the punchline was going to be a silly one.  So I was ready for it.  And I think I enjoyed it all the more because of it.  He just loved to make people laugh.  I have no idea what he was trying to say in this picture, but I can tell you it was in the early to mid 40s and clearly he's clowning about being a sheik or something. But I have no doubt he entertained those he was with. 

I celebrate an all around good guy.  

When my Dad worked for Montgomery Wards as a Santa one year, all I could think about was how perfect he was for the job.  After all, we know Santa has a twinkle in his eye, right?  He really enjoyed this gig.  Once again, he just really enjoyed life.

So that gives you a little glimpse of my Dad, who would have been 96 today. 

One final note:  When my Dad passed away, his wake was not a somber event.  I looked around the room at the funeral home and listened to the chatter.  It actually had a party atmosphere to it.  And I remember thinking, This is exactly how Dad would have wanted it.  Celebrating his life, not mourning his death.  The procession of cars from the church to the cemetery was at least 2 miles long.  It really spoke to just how many lives this wonderful man had an effect on.  And I was lucky enough to call him Dad.   

Venus vs. Mars

Venus vs. Mars

Women vs. Men

Little displays of affection daily vs. Big displays weekly

Fix it vs. Understand it

I've given a lot of thought lately on why men (generally) don't seem to be as willing or able to deal with hurtful things in their lives.  Recent events have prompted me to give some thought, ask some advice, get some opinions on how things are sometimes, most times, vastly different between the sexes.  Some things I've read in the past pretty much state that men are fixers.  And it's sometimes too darned hard to "fix" the hurtful things in their lives.  What's so amazing to me is that some of the hurt is actually brought on by their actions (or inactions).

At first, I thought it was more isolated in its occurrence.

Not so.  Over and over I hear from Venus that "that's a guy thing!!"  And the more I think about it, I am agreeing. 

Venus (women) complain about their problems because they want to be "heard".  Mars (men) complain about their problems because they want them "fixed".  How many times have you (or the woman in your life, men) said, "I don't want you to fix this.  I just need to vent."? 

A generalized conversation: 

He: "How was work?"

She: "You're not going to believe this.  Do you know what Jane Doe said today?  She said to me, blah, blah, blah."

He:  "Well, did you tell her that she was wrong?  Did you point out to her how many times she's done the same in the past?"

She:  "I'm not telling you in order to find a solution to fix it.  I'm just telling you about my day." 

Sound familiar??  So here's the short version of what I'm saying...

Men -- When she talks, before you offer a solution, ASK if she's looking for a fix.

Women -- Before you talk, TELL him you aren't looking for a fix.  You just need to vent.   

Men -- When she asks for a fix, don't always think you're the one to fix it.

Women -- It's not always easy for him to admit he's not able to fix it.  Give him a little room to realize that he needs to call in the professional. 

Picture (in public domain) obtained from wikipedia.com:  Venus and Mars by Sandro Botticelli-1483

Jumping to Conclusions

Okay, so are we all just completely exhausted??? The exercise that so many have had lately jumping to conclusions should have most of us worn out. I'm going to try to be fair here. This may sound like it's a post about politics but bear with me, I've got a point to make.

Topic: President Obama's speech to students on Tuesday, September 8th. Facebook polls, emails to teachers, threats of keeping kids home for the day, comparisons to what Hitler did with youth, on and on and on. "Oh sure, the speech is changed now that conservatives have voiced their strong opinions." To which I say, well apparently Mr. Obama has listened. Instead of being upset that he's "changed" the speech, rejoice!! He's removed the topics you've been concerned about.

Here's the thing....like it or not, he is our president for the four year term he was elected to. And if you love this country like I do, if you agree that we live in the greatest nation of all, if you value the free speech that we are blessed with, you will teach your children that the office of the President of the United States deserves respect. And the person holding that office deserves to be heard. You will teach your children a whole lot more if you listen to the speech and discuss it with them. You will teach your children to be open-minded. Doesn't that just make sense? Sure makes a whole lot more sense than keeping your kids home from school!! (Photo courtesy of http://vitaeproject.ning.com)

Guilt - a "Not Nice" word

Growing up, if I didn't want to finish everything on my plate, I got the "There are starving children in China who would love to have what you plan on throwing away" comment from my mother. Ah....guilt!! Isn't it amazing how we have all been subjected to it in one form or another? Why is it so effective? Sometimes it's self-induced. Sometimes others try (and succeed) to "guiltify" us. Now if I go back to the things I've read, I'll realize that ALL guilt is self-induced. Whether it's because we don't want to disappoint others or we don't want to disappoint ourselves, almost all of us are subject to feelings of guilt. (Many of you know my feelings about the word "disappoint". But that's a subject of another blog entry). But why is guilt so controlling? I will never forget the time when my daughter turned to me and said, "All my life, I have tried to do what pleases either you or Dad. It's time I did what pleases me." She meant no disrepect. In fact, what she was telling me was that she respected me, but she also wanted to respect herself by honoring what her true wants were. And shouldn't we all just want that for the ones we love - to follow and do what their true wants are? I'm proud that she "stood up" for what was important to her. And it's made me much more aware of not laying down guilt trips. When your little ones start to practice words that they hear from others, there are times you have to tell them that a word they just repeated was a "not nice" word. Maybe the word "guilt" should be one of 'em.