Sunday, October 25, 2009

Venus vs. Mars

Venus vs. Mars
Women vs. Men
Little displays of affection daily vs. Big displays weekly
Fix it vs. Understand it
I've given a lot of thought lately on why men (generally) don't seem to be as willing or able to deal with hurtful things in their lives.  Recent events have prompted me to give some thought, ask some advice, get some opinions on how things are sometimes, most times, vastly different between the sexes.  Some things I've read in the past pretty much state that men are fixers.  And it's sometimes too darned hard to "fix" the hurtful things in their lives.  What's so amazing to me is that some of the hurt is actually brought on by their actions (or inactions).
At first, I thought it was more isolated in its occurrence.
Not so.  Over and over I hear from Venus that "that's a guy thing!!"  And the more I think about it, I am agreeing. 
Venus (women) complain about their problems because they want to be "heard".  Mars (men) complain about their problems because they want them "fixed".  How many times have you (or the woman in your life, men) said, "I don't want you to fix this.  I just need to vent."? 

A generalized conversation: 
He: "How was work?"
She: "You're not going to believe this.  Do you know what Jane Doe said today?  She said to me, blah, blah, blah."
He:  "Well, did you tell her that she was wrong?  Did you point out to her how many times she's done the same in the past?"
She:  "I'm not telling you in order to find a solution to fix it.  I'm just telling you about my day." 
Sound familiar??  So here's the short version of what I'm saying...
Men -- When she talks, before you offer a solution, ASK if she's looking for a fix.
Women -- Before you talk, TELL him you aren't looking for a fix.  You just need to vent.   
Men -- When she asks for a fix, don't always think you're the one to fix it.
Women -- It's not always easy for him to admit he's not able to fix it.  Give him a little room to realize that he needs to call in the professional. 
Picture (in public domain) obtained from  Venus and Mars by Sandro Botticelli-1483

1 comment:

Leanne said...

A while ago I realized, when telling my PG a particularly frustrating story, that I didn't want him to DO anything - just listen to me. Or, that I needed him to not take anything out the person I was venting about - that I still needed him to respect them and be ok w/them. Having that communication between us has been really really important. And it seems like he still needs those reminders regularly. Thanks for your post!!